Feel it. Embrace it. Express it.
I am on the phone with Revenue Canada and they asked me what is your marital status? Simple question but not a simple answer. It would be the first time I would say the word widow. I cried. While I was on the phone coaching, Brian's work number popped up on my call display, it was not Brian and it would never be Brian again. I cried. I received an updated contact list of Kenny's classmates and the parents. Brian's name was removed. I cried.
As many of you know when you experience loss these moments are a frequent part of your day. In each of the above instances I was in the presence of other people and my first instinct was "don't cry, don't cry", but I made a commitment to myself, when I feel my grief, I won't don't deny it, I will feel it, embrace it and express it. I must. I know my well being and quality of my life depends on it. To express our true feelings in the moment takes courage and a level of vulnerability.
Whether you are angry, sad or bursting with joy, most of us are too concerned with what others will think to fully express ourselves. In the past I would have been worried about looking after the other person. Would they feel uncomfortable? Would there be an awkward moment of silence? Or would my feelings be denied? I have been worried about what others would think of me and I most definitely would not have crossed the professional line of letting my feelings be present in a coaching session.
Somehow my traumatic experience of loss has put all these worries aside. Being present with my inner feelings and expressing them In the moment is at the top of my priority list, it seems a deeper commitment to authenticity. If you have been one to stifle your feelings to keep the peace or unconsciously you continue to be the good little boy or girl who was told some version of children should be seen but not heard, let my journey of grief be a doorway for you to embrace your authentic self and take baby steps towards self empowerment. Feel it. Embrace it. Express it. Your well being and quality of life depends on it.